A little over a year ago I chose sobriety. I was not a problem drinker by societal standards. I didn’t get into any trouble or make a single huge mistake. On the surface, sobriety was not an obvious decision. I drank the same amount as everyone around me.
I do however come from a long line of alcoholics who warned me of the potential dangers of alcohol early on. I think this made me a little more aware of how I was using alcohol to numb and escape. I of course suppressed these concerns in the name of fun. Slowly, though, I became disillusioned with the life I was living. I craved a depth in my relationships, life path, and self-understanding. A depth that I could not access when I was using my free time to escape through substances.
One year ago, I witnessed a health scare in someone I loved that completely shifted my outlook on life. I realized, if we lose our health, we have nothing. It is our most precious resource. Through a massive punch-in-the-gut reality check, I saw behind the curtain. A veil lifted. I could now see all the ways I was throwing my health and my time away; I could no longer find solace in the illusion.
This is my personal journey. I have no expectations on others to choose the same path. We have different life experiences, needs, and goals. But I know there are others like me. People who want to drink less but are afraid of what they will lose if they let go of alcohol. I was afraid of the friends, fun, escape, and freedom I would lose. As it turns out, I have gained so much more.
A brief list of things I’ve gained through sobriety:
1. Hobbies.
I’ve had free time to pursue hobbies and activities that light up my soul. I picked up drawing again (something I decided I wasn’t good enough at early in life). I took up piano, became a yoga teacher, started a business, began meditating consistently, learned how to create digital art, started writing poetry, designed a website, started climbing, etc.
2. Depth of connection in relationships.
This year I have reconnected with many important people in my life. I became more mentally and emotionally available to these relationships when I started being present in my free time.
I’ve also had time to invest in new communities filled with people who inspire me. To name a few for my DFW and Austin locals: Intentional Sisters, Summit Climbing Yoga & Fitness, Wild Heart Yoga, and of course our own community Bee9 Living.
3. Better sleep and no physical hangovers.
My hangovers were brutal. It’s wild to think I was willing to go through that pain for a night of escape.
4. Perspective.
I’ve realized that I can be wild & free and act like an idiot completely sober. I can play AND take care of my mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual well being.
5. No integrity hangovers.
From saying things to the wrong people that I either don’t mean or are emotionally raw. I first learned this term in Brené Brown’s book Braving the Wilderness.
6. Energy and health.
I have far more energy for everyday life. I don’t have measurable data to report regarding my health, but can tell you I feel much healthier overall.
7. Inward reflection and gratitude.
This is a big one for me. Without the distraction of substances I have had to address insecurities, anxieties, and fears that were lurking beneath the surface. The process of feeling pain and healing from old wounds is a difficult one, but so worthwhile. Through this I’ve developed gratitude for all the good things in my life and the beauty around me.
8. Conscious clarity.
In A New Earth Eckhart Tolle describes the states of being “beyond thought.” We have anxiety because of the constant thoughts running through our minds creating internal distress. Alcohol is often looked to as a source of relief. Eckhart explains that “there is a high price to pay: unconsciousness. Instead of rising above thought you have fallen below it” (pg. 229).
I resonate so deeply with this. I’ve often heard the saying “drunk words are sober thoughts” and have never quite agreed. Sober me is more conscious, more aware, more compassionate. I would wake up after a night of drinking perplexed at what caused me to be so thoughtless or disrespectful. My drunk words were the thoughts of a lower state of consciousness, not a reflection of my truest self.
With the absence of this source of relaxation, I have invested in practices such as yoga and meditation. These have taken me on a journey towards conscious clarity and bring me closer to my highest self.
9. FREEDOM.
I thought alcohol gave me freedom, but instead it made me dependent on external sources. I now feel free to live wholeheartedly and find sober joy.
10. Financial Savings.
It is ludicrous the amount of money I spent out and about. If you know, you know.
If you’re looking for a deeper dive on this topic, I highly recommend Sober Curious by Ruby Warrington. It’s a relatable, judgement free, easy read for anyone who drinks a little more than they’d like.
If you’re looking for NA alternatives to your favorite alcoholic beverages, I’d recommend Athletic Brewing for craft NA beer. I love it so much I became an ambassador. Use code SONALIEB20 for 20% off your first order.
For dealcoholized wines I’d recommend FRE wines for champagne or rose, and Ariel for a good red.
Trader Joe’s sparkling lemonade is also delicious on a summer day.
There are so many options these days for great flavor sans hangover.
A poem I wrote about my dance with alcohol and choice of sobriety:
You pull me in to dance Promising to take the pain away You say I'll have it all - just follow your lead Confidence, connection, love, bliss But I forget to ask: What will I have to give? So we dance, hand in hand What a rush to be fearless and free But with the fear, you steal my sense of self Mute the pain, as well as my compassion Exchange consciousness for confidence And the connection you promised never comes In the morning I am left with hazy memories Of a careless dance and A dancer I don't recognize You take more than you give And I pick up the pieces of your wreckage So I won't follow your lead anymore I may stumble, but I'll find my own steps To bliss, connection, love, and confidence I'll dance and be free without sacrificing The loving awareness you hide from me
Love and light to you, whichever path you choose.