I have always been an optimist. I’m able to see the potential positive outcome of a situation and focus my energy there. This has served me and it’s also held me back. It’s blocked me from dealing with feelings that were important to address.
This question has been on my mind lately: Can there be light without darkness? Can you radiate authentic positivity without first trudging through your shadows? It feels like without this process, words are just words. Pretty things to say. Maybe they’ll help people who already feel good feel a little better. But will they help those silently struggling to feel seen? Could a portrayal of perfection make happiness seem unattainable? Could it do more harm than good?
The truth is life is hard. I think it’s hard for everyone. But we are conditioned to focus on the positive and make small talk. When someone at a party asks “how have you been?”, they probably aren’t expecting to hear about anxiety, fear, existential crisis, or uncertainty about the future. These are all aspects of how I’ve been though. They are a part of my journey. They manifest growth. And they make the good times so much brighter. I wonder…If we were all honest about our shadows, would the light feel more accessible? Might we gain deep, authentic connection, and mutual growth, if we allowed ourselves to be seen?
Here’s a poem inspired by these questions.
When you ask, I say I’m doing well Pretty words with hollow meaning We part ways with a nod and smile No mention of how we are each grieving We give each other what we think we need Assuming ‘they wouldn’t understand’ My existential crisis, anxiety, and fear Don’t fit the narrative culture demands But can there be light without darkness Isn’t it just a façade - pretending to shine Ignoring our shadows and storms As if they aren’t part of the design Would you sit with me in the dark Might you see yourself in my pain Could this recognition illuminate a sun As we walk, hand in hand, out of the rain
Happy Monday. From my curious heart to yours.